dinosaur school

The best thing we've done for the Firecracker was to sign him up for Dinosaur Camp. This was a program he took part in last summer, run by the University of Washington's School of Nursing. It's for children who are aggressive and impulsive, and who aren't being medicated for ADHD. They teach the children -- and, perhaps more importantly, the parents -- techniques to calm down, focus, learn to read emotions, and interact well with other kids.

It was great. Pretty much perfect. Its only problem was that it ended. It's a grant-based program, and our time was up. We were lucky that the Firecracker got into the summer camp, and I got ten weeks of parenting lessons. In the fall and spring they run things slightly differently.

The parents' class read Carolyn Webster-Stratton's "The Incredible Years," a book that pretty much described us all perfectly. Even if you can't find a program like this near you, the book should be helpful. (There's a newer edition, but I couldn't find it on Amazon.)

If they did a year 'round school, we'd quadruple-mortgage the house and sell our plasma to send the Firecracker there.

babysitters

I haven't looked into respite care yet. I believe the Firecracker would qualify, but I just haven't had the time to do it -- plus I don't know how useful it would be, since I've heard there's no funding left for it in our state (county?) anyway.

But I do need a babysitter. As my mom wrote to me, "you need time for yourself in order to keep on supporting [the Firecracker] and not neglecting [the Sparkler]."

I've had terrible luck trying to find one on craigslist. Creepy e-mails, incoherent e-mails... the one babysitter I found on craigslist and actually hired turned out to be okay, but just okay, and when we moved a few miles away we both took the move as an excuse to call it off. Last month I tried craigslist again, and came thisclose to hiring a prostitute to be my kids' babysitter. (In the end it wasn't her being a prostitute that lost her the job, but that she was stupid enough to use the same e-mail address writing to me and on her explicit webpage. She charges $150 an hour for those services, by the way, and only $12 for babysitting...)

After that mess, I forked over my credit card to sittercity.com. They're pricey, but I found a great, great, great sitter on there. She comes one afternoon a week so I can have a little break, go to the grocery store, or get some work done. When you're looking for a sitter, you can specify that they need to have experience "Caring for Children with Behavioral Issues" or "Caring for Disabled Children," if you want.

Get a babysitter. You'll all be better for it.

self-care

Self-care is an important part of being a parent of a child with special needs. With that in mind... may I recommend Snoqualmie Vineyard's Whistlestop Red? It's often for sale at a v. reasonable price at Central Market (Aurora and 155th Street, Shoreline).

getting into special ed

When the Firecracker was three years old, he started preschool. The first one came highly-recommended by a friend, but wasn't good for my kid -- one day I came to pick him up and found a teacher dragging him down the hallway, yelling at him. Outta there. The next one was a small, in-home, slightly crunchy, Montessori school. When the teacher was kicking him out of that after less than a week, she handed me a slip of paper with a phone number on it.

"He's the wildest kid I've ever seen in twelve years of teaching," she told me. "Call these people."

The number led me to Child Find, the organization? governmental office? fine folks? who get children into special ed. I believe that they're supposed to do all their testing and get the kid into school within 30 days. It took them four months with us.

There's at least one preschool classroom in Seattle just for children who are impulsive and aggressive. For whatever reason, it took the placement people over a month to suggest that might be the best place for my son. Sigh. Whatever. It's all over now. Anyway, if that's what you're dealing with, ask about Room 3 at the Bailey Gatzert school. It was great. The Firecracker had to leave after just six weeks when we moved out of the Seattle School District, and I still miss it.

alphabet soup

I go to an excellent support group for mothers of kids with special needs. Most of the children are "on the spectrum," as they say, but there are a handful of us non-autistic types, as well.

Last night one of the mothers suggested that I sign up the Firecracker with DDD, the Department of... um... Developmental... uh... the Division of Developmental Disabilities. He might be eligible for some services, but -- perhaps more importantly -- it reports to the government that hey, there's one more kid out here who needs help.

The paperwork is mighty and intimidating. I'll let you know how it goes.

hey there.

Hey. I've got a kid with special needs. I spend hours every week dealing with paperwork, teachers, coaches, support groups, and the rest. I wish all the information I need was in one place, but since it isn't... well, I'll gather it here, and maybe it can be helpful for someone else who's in the same boat.

My special snowflake of a son is the Firecracker. He just turned five years old, and is in preschool at a public school in the Shoreline School District. His little sister is the Sparkler, and up until last week we thought she was, you know, normal, but it turns out she has just the slightest touch of a hemiplegia.

We live in King County, Washington. I'm not trying to be anonymous -- anybody who reads this and knows me will recognize me right away -- but I'm going to keep my kids' names off it, just to give them a soupçon of privacy.

Thinking of some other terms to help parents find this:
ADHD
ODD
hemiplegia
special ed
special needs
disability
going frikkin' insane from dealing with this
children with special needs